Success at writing a best-seller
Millions of people fantasize about writing and publishing a best-seller. Some even quit their job in order to devote themselves to writing, hoping that when and if their book will sell they will become reach and famous.
But only a minority of them succeeds. The majority don’t have the talent it takes to write a good book, nonetheless a best-seller. Some, who are really motivated to succeed, make the effort to attend writing workshops and conferences; to improve their writing skills and techniques. Many others, however, are so convinced in their ability to produce such a book that they refrain from any feedback concerning their writing.
A good friend of mine is a typical example: “Feedback? Anyone knows better than I how I should write my book? No way!” I also heard many stories about people enrolling in a writing workshop, but if they don’t receive what they consider a favourable feedback (but one which they perceive as negative), they pack up their bags and leave.
Receiving feedback, so it seems, is not an easy undertaking. But can one really produce a best-seller without a good, constructive, helpful feedback?
Success with an intimate relationship
Some have an inborn talent at communication techniques and interpersonal relationships. Others may need to acquire such ability, either through workshops, counselling and/or books. Yet, whether such a talent is inborn or acquired, many don’t seem capable at applying it to their own intimate relationships.
Again, just like with writing, there are those who feel so “great” about themselves that they resist anyone trying to give them feedback about their attitudes, reactions and behaviors with regard to relationships. “Feedback? Anyone knows better than I how I should behave in a relationship? No way!” And no matter how often they fail in their relationships, and no matter how many attempts they have made, they continue failing time and again.
… but they still resist any feedback. They find it easier to blame their dates for their failures; to look the other way when being called to examine their own attitudes and behaviors. They fantasize that the time will come when they’ll find “the one and only” with whom they’ll be able to develop the intimacy they so much desire. It’s all a matter of time, they convince themselves; eventually the right person will cross their pass. In this respect they think just like those who fantasize about writing a best-seller, believing that it’s all a matter of finding “the right agent” who’ll take them to fame…
… and they wait. And they try dating more and more people. But for some reason – known only to them, and maybe not even to them – they resist any feedback which comes their way. “Feedback?” (they repeat telling themselves), “Anyone knows better than I how I should behave in a relationship?”
It might be sad to see those who so vehemently resist feedback. Do they feel it might shake them out of balance? Do they fear it will force them to look inwards and see things they prefer not to acknowledge in themselves? Are they scared to be confronted with the fact that they are the ones to be blamed for the failure of their relationships?
Those resisting feedback will never tell you honestly what they are afraid of. And your guess is as good as mine.
The sad part is that as long as they resist any feedback they – just like those fantasizing about writing a best-seller but refusing to receive feedback about how to improve their writing – are likely to remain unsatisfied and disillusioned, stuck in their own failures, being unable to develop the relationship they so much desire.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships, is the author of: “The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship: Understanding Why You Fail in Your Relationships Over and Over Again and Learning How to Stop it!” Available as eBook and paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relationship/dp/143925141X/
Dr. Gil has a 30 year experience as a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant. He has taught classes on Self-Awareness and Relationships to thousands of students, lectured widely on these and related topics at conferences world-wide, gave workshops and trained physicians, managers, school teachers and parents on how to develop Self-Awareness in order to improve their personal and professional relationships.
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